I've blogged a few times about my bad wrists and hands.  The neurologist thinks it's Nerve Damage, and the MRI was a massive and epic FAIL, but now, I have similar symptoms in my lower back and hips.
Stiffness, aching, pins and needles, shooting pain.
I did what any other person would do, I went to the doctors to get it checked out.

Apparantly there is nothing wrong with my back/hips/legs. IN FACT, the doctor reckons there is nothing wrong with my hands either. IN FACT, the doctor thinks (this is a new doctor to the surgery by the way) that my problems (ALL OF THEM) are to do with my morbid obesity.
I hate that term, morbid obesity. but I suppose it's better than being called a fattie.
Yes, apparantly if I lose a LOT of weight, then I will find that my symptoms for my hands and hips/legs, and my asthma will dissappear.

I know that I am overweight, I know that.  and yes, a lot of people who are overweight have health issues, which I won't even go into what they are, cause most people know, and if ya don't know, then that's what GOOGLE is for.
I'm not a doctor, I know that.  But I beg to differ.  I don't think the problem with my hands is weight related, and I don't think the problem with my hips/legs are weight related, and I KNOW my asthma isn't weight related.  I know this because I have had asthma since I was 15.  At 15 I was just on the border of being underweight.

When I was 15, I was the same height I was now, which is 5"3, and I just didn't weigh enough.  I weighed just 7 stones, I was told by my nurse that I HAD to put weight on, and I did.  At the age of 16, I weight 8st 6lbs, thats 118lbs.  I had big boobs, and I wore a size 8UK.
Eventually my size creeped up, sadly I never got any taller.  I weigh approximately 14 stone, which, I KNOW, is a lot, it's about 196lbs.  In 10 years I have increased in size, from a size 8UK to a size 18UK, and gained 78 pounds.  At 16, I was not fully developed or matured, so understandably I gained weight, I filled out etc.  Maybe I filled out too much.  I don't see, however, that I am ever destined to be that size again.

It makes me sad.  I don't eat sweets or crisps.  I try to eat healthy food.  I don't starve myself.  I try to be more active, even though it's hard.  I've NEVER been athletic.  I NEVER WILL BE athletic.  but I try. I TRY.  it's just not enough.  I feel like nothing will ever be enough.  I'll never be slim.  I'll always have to stress when shopping, stress when trying to find something nice to wear, stress because nice pretty clothes are always for slimmer people.

To be fair, I don't look "large" or "fat", maybe cause I have large boobs, which generally, people notice first.  I don't wear clothing that skims my bumps and lumps, I wear clothing that tries to hide my weight.  People who know me, know that I joke about my size.  I guess it's my way of coping.  Coping with the fact that I'll never be as "small" as I used to be.  and I won't.

After today, all I see now, when I look in the mirror, is, well, I don't want to say, but it's not nice.


Every woman is unhappy with some part of her body, and any woman who tells you that she's not unhappy with something or the other, is LYING.  Whether it be weight, height, shoe size, boob size, hair, tummy, etc etc, every single woman has something about her body that she hates.  Some can afford to "fix" it with cosmetic surgery, others can't.  Some women have such issues that they develop eating disorders, or they self harm.  I joke. 

I don't think I can joke anymore.  I try, and I'll keep trying, and I'll try hard.

right now I feel like I need to have a prozac dinner.
:(

A "How To" Episode: Unclogging Toilets

Today I had the fortunate unfortunate task of unclogging our toilet.
After work (which I am enjoying very much by the way) I came home, took of my coat, sorted myself out, had a wee, and well after that point it got a bit dramatic.

I did my business, flushed, and the toilet just seems to back up, and I was like "uh-oh".  So I waited, and then I though, maybe I didn't flush right, so I flushed again.  Needless to say that did not work.  Instead the toilet filled with water.  At this point I'm thinking "oh shit, shit shit, this is not good", then I thanked the heavens that I only needed to wee when I got in, cause lets face it no one likes cleaning up crap.

I waited 5 minutes, and the water had pretty much drained away, so I flushed it, to make sure it was ok, and lo and behold it wasn't.  At this point I am in toilet drama mode.  Still being a clever and intellegent woman, I decide to look in the garage in the hopes of find a plunger and giving that a go.  I've seen my dad unclog a toilet and a sink before, so, like, how hard can it be right?  WELL.... pretty damn hard when you can't fnd a plunger.  This is where one does the next best thing, I picked up the phone and called my Father-in-Law.  Nope, we don't have a plunger. CRAP.

So I turn to twitter (like I usually do), meanwhile every five minutes I go and flush the toilet again.

Occasionally I stare at it (the toilet) and say things like " please please work" and wishing it would unclog itself.

40 minutes later, it's fine, not clogged, but fine.  and I'm sent this website.

atleast I didn't have to do this....

 

(note - my toilet is NEVER that filthy, nor would I plumb in my undercrackers)

AAAAAAAAND ACTION!

So last week I posted about nunga-nungas, bra's and the stress it causes me.
Soon after I posted, I went online and bought 3 bra's from simplyyours.co.uk
They arrived this morning.

Remember in my lasy post I said

"AND. just like clothes aren't all the same size (you'd think so right?!?) neither are bra's.  for instance a bra by marks and spencers Autograph range in a 34G, isn't the same size as a bra by Triumph's 34G bra."

well, lo and behold, damn it wasn't I right?!?

I bought 3 bra's. 3. all 3 of them the same size (apparantly) and yet all 3 of them not really the same size.

sigh.

bra #1 = cute little white number by shapely figures.  fits round the back, but there is a little bit of room in the cup (which is good, considering I still seem to be growing!)
bra #2 - exactly lke bra #1 but black.  fits pretty well actually.  fits round the back and in the cup.

now you're thinking, well hold on a minute, if they are exactly the same brand, same size, how come they don't fit the same?  i know right? confuses the crap out of me too.  maybe, just maybe I have morphing boobs? doubtful though.

so we get to bra #3 = it is a simplyyours.co.uk branded bra.  I took it out of the packaging, and well, OH.MY.GOD.
it seems to be about 3 sizes too big.  it. is. MASSIVE.  I'm pretty sure this bra has been mislabelled, cause there is no way in hell that it is a 38H. no way. NO WAY.

I put bra #2 into bra #3 and there was loads of room left. LOADS.

So I offer to you, readers, actual proof that depsite bra's being the same "size" really they're not. oh no. no they aren't.

I think I might just send this bra back and by it in a smaller size and see what happens!

I'll keep you posted - cause I know this is so interesting to y'all.

Why I love Rugby

I decided today that I needed to blog (after reading about a million posts on AimingLow), however didn't really have a clue on what to blog about.  So I twittered.  I asked my followers.  I only got 2 responses.  well, so far anyway.

@a_masters wrote Ugo Monye?
@olibuckley wrote How Jack dies in Lost?

From the title of my blog post, it'll be clear to some that I'm not writing about how Jack dies in Lost.  Lets face it, there's still a few episodes to go, and he may live.  but I'll save that topic for another day.

So Ugo Monye.  He's one of the reasons as to why "I love Rugby".  Along with Danny Care, men in tight shorts tackling each other and getting all muddy.... AHEM. sorry, lets get back on track.

About 18 months/2 years ago my husband asked me if I wanted to go to a Rugby game.  I'd never been to one and I'm keen to experience new things, so off we went.  I'm now the proud owner of a season ticket.  You'd expect that after nearly 2 years, I'd get it, not just get it, but fully get it, y'know.  but this is me we're talking about.  I get distracted.  I know that if you touch the ball over the try line, it's a try.  I know if you kick the ball over the post after a try, it's a converted try.  I know that if you throw the ball infront, it's BAD.  I know what a scrum looks like.  I even know some of the positions that there are, wing, number 8, scrum half.  There is so much more to rugby, that I haven't a clue about.  I often miss things cause I'm too busy looking at non-important things.

With my season ticket, I have a team shirt, and a pair of rugby socks like the ones Ugo wears in this picture.

 

I got them for Christmas, and every game I wore them to, we (by we I mean Quins) won.  They are my lucky socks.  I even have team pyjamas.

Anyway, so this post is supposed to be about Ugo Monye (the guy above).  And I totally didn't steal borrow any information from Wikipedia.

He was born on the13th April 1983 (only a year older than me!)  

He currently plays for Harlequins RFC as Wing/Centre.

He scored his first try for England against Scotland at Twickenham in the Six Nations on March 21 2009.

He is a born again Christian.

He is 6"2 and weighs 92Kgs.

He used to be a runner.

He is on twitter, and I follow him.

When you search him name on the Harlequins website, there are 637 results (as of 3/02/10)

At the beginning of each home game, when he's announced as playing, the fans scream "UUUUUUUGO!" (I am one of them)

He looks good without many clothes on. (see below)

This is why, I love Rugby.