Ever since Dave Pelzer's book "A Child Called It" hit the shelves, it seems that hundred of other people have chosen to write about their childhood/teenage experiences of abuse. I call this the Genre of Abuse.
I enjoy reading, in fact enjoy is a bit of an understatment. I have hundreds of books, I'd have so much more if I could. I'm the type of girl who checks out 10 books at a time from the library and reads them in a week. So when Dave Pelzers book came out, I thought, "ooh wonder what this is about", read the inside cover, decided it wasn't really my thing, but I'd give it a go anyway. I got to page 7. After that I vowed that I'd never read a book about child abuse experiences ever again.
On Wednesday I picked up a book by Toni Maguire called Don't Tell Mummy
I read it in less than 2 hours. I was horrified, saddened, shocked, in fact I was a whole lot of things. How someone can abuse a child is beyond me. Despite not having children of my own (not yet anyway) I felt my maternal instinct kick in, I felt the need to protect the little girl in the book, I felt compelled to read on, despite how horrified I was. I decided that afternoon that I would never be able to be a social worker. I would never be able to work in child protection, I just wouldnt be able to cope. How people who work in those industries cope, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand how someone can turn off the images, the evidence they've seen and carry on with normal everyday life. I'll never understand how someone could abuse a child and act like it's the most normal thing in the world. I'll never understand it. I'll never understand how someone who has been abused can write about their experiences for the whole world to read, and last of all, I'll never understand why people buy these books to read them.
Part of me feels that I'm being very close minded - however I just cant bring myself to read them, nor can I bring myself to explore the reasons behind why they are written and why other people choose to read them.
These books are wildly distributed, in stores, supermarkets, online, which means anyone can buy them. The book that I read, I got from my Mother In Law's book shelf, she had it because it was given to her by a friend. This friend obtained it because it was given to him by a friend. She only gave him the book, because someone gave it to her 8 year old daughter as a birthday present. In this hand me down chain, I'm the first person to have read it, it simply went from hand to hand and then on to a shelf. However, who gives a child a book about a womans experience of child abuse? Clearly someone stupid, or just very ignorant.
8 year old girls deserve books about girls their own age, ponies, princesses, harry potter, anything else but that.
I read a lot of different blogs, in fact most of the blogs I read are what are known as "MommyBlogs". Despite not having my own children, I enjoy reading what other "moms" deal with, the experiences they face with their own children, their own dilemas, and I know that one day my own blog will be completely restarted and I'll be a mommy blogger too. In reading all these different blogs, I've yet to come across a blog about child abuse, however I imagine the subject creates such strong emotions, that it's unlikely that I'll ever come across a post. I doubt any mommy bloggers read my blog, but I do want to know their opinions.
I want to know if I'm the only person who feels like this, or if there are people out there who have similar feelings. If people with kids have the same reaction as people without kids, if people with maternal/paternal instinct have the same feelings as those without any maternal/paternal instinct.
thoughts people, give them to me.
What do you think on the Genre of Abuse?
Friday, 30 October 2009
Monday, 26 October 2009
bad boys
So I finally got the twitter update to work on my blog. awesome.
Had my ultrasound scan on Saturday, found out what the horrid lump on my wrist is. a ganglion cyst. so guess whats being removed as soon as I can have it removed? yeah.
in other news, there really isnt anything else.
life is pretty much one constant flow of boredness, which, lets face it, is inevitable when one is unemployed.
somes days i wish that I just had a few million in the bank and that it didn't matter what I did. I could do anything that I wanted, fly to New York for a weekend, spur of the moment. so Tink, if you're reading, flick some faery dust my way and wish me the best of good luck!
Had my ultrasound scan on Saturday, found out what the horrid lump on my wrist is. a ganglion cyst. so guess whats being removed as soon as I can have it removed? yeah.
in other news, there really isnt anything else.
life is pretty much one constant flow of boredness, which, lets face it, is inevitable when one is unemployed.
somes days i wish that I just had a few million in the bank and that it didn't matter what I did. I could do anything that I wanted, fly to New York for a weekend, spur of the moment. so Tink, if you're reading, flick some faery dust my way and wish me the best of good luck!
Thursday, 22 October 2009
A is for Albatross
So I had a job assessment today for South Eastern Trains.
There were 7 of us to start with, 3 got send home cause it sesms they didnt have the right paperwork.
There were 6 assessments in all
We then had to do another 3 assessments
The last 3 tests, were pretty intense. The ticket selling one was 30 minutes to work out the costs of each ticket, minus discount and what change was due. There were 20 scenarios. The the role play.
I hate role plays, and this was no different, the moment I came out of it, I thought of things I could have done better, things I should have picked up on, etc. Then you had to write a report on the role play and record the incident that occured.
I still can't believe I got A's.
Dead chuffed to be fair. This feels like the 1st thing (no wait, this IS the 1st thing) I have been successful at since job hunting from March.
Just have to wait and see when the interview is and how that goes.
If I pass that then I have a medical and we go from there!
Fingers Crossed for me!!!
There were 7 of us to start with, 3 got send home cause it sesms they didnt have the right paperwork.
There were 6 assessments in all
- a health and safety memory test
- a ticket checking test
- a maths test
We then had to do another 3 assessments
- a ticket selling test
- a role play
- report writing
The last 3 tests, were pretty intense. The ticket selling one was 30 minutes to work out the costs of each ticket, minus discount and what change was due. There were 20 scenarios. The the role play.
I hate role plays, and this was no different, the moment I came out of it, I thought of things I could have done better, things I should have picked up on, etc. Then you had to write a report on the role play and record the incident that occured.
I still can't believe I got A's.
Dead chuffed to be fair. This feels like the 1st thing (no wait, this IS the 1st thing) I have been successful at since job hunting from March.
Just have to wait and see when the interview is and how that goes.
If I pass that then I have a medical and we go from there!
Fingers Crossed for me!!!
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
this one time at band camp......
It never ceases to amaze me, when I remember all the mad stuff I did when I was younger. I mean, I don't remember all of it, just a few things stand out to me, and one of them came back to me tonight. It wasn't really a good thing, and it got me thinking.
When I was 15, I had a friend, who was my utmost best friend in the world. Our parents dreaded it when we got together, and I've lost count of the number of times we caused trouble. We're still friends to this day, and even though we live miles apart, we're still pretty close. We still travel together, drive around laughing together, and still have very immature giggles, which I'm sure at our age, we should have perhaps grown out of.
So when we were 15, we had a conversation about adoption. I cant remember why we were talking about it, most likely it was because we did a section in R.E. about abortion and morals and stuff. I'll try to recount the conversation as best I can.
BF: I dont think I'm going to have kids
ME: Why not?
BF: Because their horrid, i mean can you ever imagine me with a baby?
ME: No i suppose not, but then when you're older you might want kids
BF: NO NO NO. NO WAY.
ME: a lot can change between now and then
BF: No, imagine being pregnant for 9 months, being the size of a house, then pushing something the size of a melon out of a grape, and then having to look after it for, like, ever. Nope, I'm not having kids.
ME: you will.
BF: nope, if i decided to have kids, I'll just adopt
ME: you cant adopt, what reason will you give for wanting to adopt?
(it's probably worth pointing out here, that we were niave 15 years olds, and (im ashamed to admit it, cause we were quite intellegent) we thought that only people who were unable to have children were allowed to adopt)
BF: I'll tell them I have no fallopian tubes
ME: (after laughing a lot) surely they wont believe that, you'll have to have tests and stuff, and then they'll see that you in fact do have fallopian tubes and that you lied and then they wont let you adopt
BF: I'll risk it.
End of conversation
It beggars belief that I was so niave. Reliving that conversation tonight, we both laughed so hard (BF not so much - due to being in agony) at how stupid we were at that age.
Tonight I took my best friend to the hospital. After being in agony all day and being turned away by one hospital, I was not happy at her situation. Another friend and I drove her to another hospital, who did their job properly and looked checked her over. I am so glad I convinced her to go to be checked over at another hospital. It turned out that she has a very serious condition, which had she ignored could have left her infertile (and possibly using the excuse I have no fallopian tubes to an adoption agency!)
After watching my friend in agony, and hearing her diagnosis I will never ever use a IUD contraception. no way in hell. NO WAY IN HELL!
having a IUD fitted increases a womans risk of getting PID, which if left untreated can cause infertility. So girls, make sure you completely weigh up the pros and cons if you're thinking of getting a IUD.
and if you do get one fitted, and you have terrible abdomen pain, do not hesitate in seeing a doctor and dont let them turn you away without giving you an internal exam!
When I was 15, I had a friend, who was my utmost best friend in the world. Our parents dreaded it when we got together, and I've lost count of the number of times we caused trouble. We're still friends to this day, and even though we live miles apart, we're still pretty close. We still travel together, drive around laughing together, and still have very immature giggles, which I'm sure at our age, we should have perhaps grown out of.
So when we were 15, we had a conversation about adoption. I cant remember why we were talking about it, most likely it was because we did a section in R.E. about abortion and morals and stuff. I'll try to recount the conversation as best I can.
BF: I dont think I'm going to have kids
ME: Why not?
BF: Because their horrid, i mean can you ever imagine me with a baby?
ME: No i suppose not, but then when you're older you might want kids
BF: NO NO NO. NO WAY.
ME: a lot can change between now and then
BF: No, imagine being pregnant for 9 months, being the size of a house, then pushing something the size of a melon out of a grape, and then having to look after it for, like, ever. Nope, I'm not having kids.
ME: you will.
BF: nope, if i decided to have kids, I'll just adopt
ME: you cant adopt, what reason will you give for wanting to adopt?
(it's probably worth pointing out here, that we were niave 15 years olds, and (im ashamed to admit it, cause we were quite intellegent) we thought that only people who were unable to have children were allowed to adopt)
BF: I'll tell them I have no fallopian tubes
ME: (after laughing a lot) surely they wont believe that, you'll have to have tests and stuff, and then they'll see that you in fact do have fallopian tubes and that you lied and then they wont let you adopt
BF: I'll risk it.
End of conversation
It beggars belief that I was so niave. Reliving that conversation tonight, we both laughed so hard (BF not so much - due to being in agony) at how stupid we were at that age.
Tonight I took my best friend to the hospital. After being in agony all day and being turned away by one hospital, I was not happy at her situation. Another friend and I drove her to another hospital, who did their job properly and looked checked her over. I am so glad I convinced her to go to be checked over at another hospital. It turned out that she has a very serious condition, which had she ignored could have left her infertile (and possibly using the excuse I have no fallopian tubes to an adoption agency!)
After watching my friend in agony, and hearing her diagnosis I will never ever use a IUD contraception. no way in hell. NO WAY IN HELL!
having a IUD fitted increases a womans risk of getting PID, which if left untreated can cause infertility. So girls, make sure you completely weigh up the pros and cons if you're thinking of getting a IUD.
and if you do get one fitted, and you have terrible abdomen pain, do not hesitate in seeing a doctor and dont let them turn you away without giving you an internal exam!
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
for my birthday
for my birthday I would like the following from my family
1 return flight from London Heathrow to Denver Colorado USA for next May, dates to be decided.
seriously, this is all I want. and some spending moneys.
1 return flight from London Heathrow to Denver Colorado USA for next May, dates to be decided.
seriously, this is all I want. and some spending moneys.
we're in a recession you know!
so seriously what gives?
I know, I know, we're in a recession, it's the employers market, yada yada yada, but still. With my experience and qualifications, it's got to count towards something right?
Last Thursday I applied for a job with John Lewis, a well know department store. The job I applied for was a simple store assistant, dealing with customers, working the till, shelf stocking, vigilence for store thiefs etc. But even John Lewis dont want to hire me, shit, they didnt even want to interview me.
Whilst I appreciate that there are roughly half a million jobs out there for 2.4 million people, therefore not enough jobs for people who need them, but still. How can I not get a simple store clerk job? It honestly beggars belief.
There are 2 sides as far as I see. The first one if that any employer prefers to have the best candidate with the most experience, therefore if it's me against someone with more experience then i wont get the job. On the other hand, employers dont generally take on people who are over qualified as there is a fear that once something better comes along that employee will get up and go, therefore companies like john lewis dont even interview someone like me.
far short from pimping my personal wares, I dont see what else there is, but alas, apparantly the recession even has an impact on the "working" girl.
whats a girl to do when recession hits and the Mr.Brown and his failing economy in the UK fail to support those who need it?
is it fair? no. it's not, but then lifes not fair. so I guess instead of sitting here sniffing and spreading my tears around the pillows, I should suck it up.
this blog is dedicated to all those people out there who sit on their asses and complain about their shitty horrible jobs and how much they hate it. seriously, if you dont like your job, then fuck off and let someone who needs it have it.
Monday, 12 October 2009
OCD Bus Driver
Needless to say, I didn't get the job. Not really surprised by that outcome to be honest, considering the way they treated me.
Not really a lot has been going on to be honest. Went to the pub Saturday evening, and spent most of Sunday with Soph and Mae and Zips.
Found a lump on my problem wrist on Thursday. Been to the doctors and it seems I've baffled them (mainly because they haven't got the notes from my previous GP) and I have to have an ultrasound to see what this lump might be. She didnt bring up the C-word, so I feel so much better. lets see what the ultrasound shows.
The bus driver home told me off, simply because my travel pass and photo card weren't both the same way round. does it really matter? he then proceeded to tell others off when they also got on the bus, about the correct way to put your oyster card against the reader, and even quized one poor school girl on what the car in front of him did. very odd.
tonights plan is to be a bit of telly watching and reading.
Not really a lot has been going on to be honest. Went to the pub Saturday evening, and spent most of Sunday with Soph and Mae and Zips.
Found a lump on my problem wrist on Thursday. Been to the doctors and it seems I've baffled them (mainly because they haven't got the notes from my previous GP) and I have to have an ultrasound to see what this lump might be. She didnt bring up the C-word, so I feel so much better. lets see what the ultrasound shows.
The bus driver home told me off, simply because my travel pass and photo card weren't both the same way round. does it really matter? he then proceeded to tell others off when they also got on the bus, about the correct way to put your oyster card against the reader, and even quized one poor school girl on what the car in front of him did. very odd.
tonights plan is to be a bit of telly watching and reading.
Thursday, 8 October 2009
playing the waiting game.
so yeah, I'm still waiting. I've been waiting since last freaking Friday to find out about this job.
I finally got a call this afternoon, and was told that she'd know by the end of today and to call her back at 6.
you can guess what happened. I called - no answer - stupid cockameemee answering service.
god forbid i actually get this job. if this is how they are before you start work how are they going to be once you work there??
but i suppose I can't really be choosy. considering that i spent my last £5 on some shopping. my bank account is officially dead now. it flatlined. and sadly unless i get some money in it soon, it's on it's way to banking heaven (or hell - which is more likely)
the sad thing is, it just dawned on me that I have 14 Christmas presents to buy (well 13 of those I will share with my husband) but there is 1 that I have to get off my own back. and I'll be frigging damned if I let my husband pay for his own Christmas present. no way in hell that I'm going to let that occur.
despite not having a job (stupid redundnacy) and not being able to find another (stupid economic crisis) I suppose I can't really complain. although sitting here, with nothing to do but think about my current situation, it really gets you down, and I guess those 2 glasses on wine didn't help much either.
if I dont find out about this job tomorrow, then I think I can safely say I haven't got it. i suppose there's always prostitution, or not. I'm not that desperate.
I finally got a call this afternoon, and was told that she'd know by the end of today and to call her back at 6.
you can guess what happened. I called - no answer - stupid cockameemee answering service.
god forbid i actually get this job. if this is how they are before you start work how are they going to be once you work there??
but i suppose I can't really be choosy. considering that i spent my last £5 on some shopping. my bank account is officially dead now. it flatlined. and sadly unless i get some money in it soon, it's on it's way to banking heaven (or hell - which is more likely)
the sad thing is, it just dawned on me that I have 14 Christmas presents to buy (well 13 of those I will share with my husband) but there is 1 that I have to get off my own back. and I'll be frigging damned if I let my husband pay for his own Christmas present. no way in hell that I'm going to let that occur.
despite not having a job (stupid redundnacy) and not being able to find another (stupid economic crisis) I suppose I can't really complain. although sitting here, with nothing to do but think about my current situation, it really gets you down, and I guess those 2 glasses on wine didn't help much either.
if I dont find out about this job tomorrow, then I think I can safely say I haven't got it. i suppose there's always prostitution, or not. I'm not that desperate.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
and I'm still waiting.
So I called this woman about this job yesterday, and she tells me a decision still hasnt been made. There are 4 possible people, and 2 jobs, and her boss is deciding and that she'd call me by the end of the day.
it's now after 12 on the 6th, and still no call.
I tried calling and got some bizarre cockameemee cisco voice messaging service, so I'll try again after lunch. TBH I'm not that convinced I'll get this contract. Surely it cant be that hard to make the decision and let someone know.
we'll see.
yesterday, Soph and I made Christmas Cards and listened to Christmas songs all afternoon. It was so much fun. I had a great time. Then I cooked dinner for Daniel, Mae and Soph. We had BBQ chicken, rice, corn on the cob (fresh from our garden) coleslaw and veggies. It was very good. (and yes I know that you shouldn't blow your own trumpet when it comes to things like this but oh well)
Today I've watched a bit of Charmed with Daniel, played The Sims 3, and now i'm just faffing about trying not to give in to boredom, before I have to head out at 3 to go to the doctors, and then to Tesco to do shopping for dinner tonight and tomorrow.
not sure what im going to do tonight, something with roast veg i think.
tomorrow Alan and Tash are coming over for dinner. I'm going to make home made spaghetti bolognaise and garlic bread. Tashy tells me that it's her favuorite, so lets hope that I don't disappoint.
now here's for more waiting......oh the life I lead.
it's now after 12 on the 6th, and still no call.
I tried calling and got some bizarre cockameemee cisco voice messaging service, so I'll try again after lunch. TBH I'm not that convinced I'll get this contract. Surely it cant be that hard to make the decision and let someone know.
we'll see.
yesterday, Soph and I made Christmas Cards and listened to Christmas songs all afternoon. It was so much fun. I had a great time. Then I cooked dinner for Daniel, Mae and Soph. We had BBQ chicken, rice, corn on the cob (fresh from our garden) coleslaw and veggies. It was very good. (and yes I know that you shouldn't blow your own trumpet when it comes to things like this but oh well)
Today I've watched a bit of Charmed with Daniel, played The Sims 3, and now i'm just faffing about trying not to give in to boredom, before I have to head out at 3 to go to the doctors, and then to Tesco to do shopping for dinner tonight and tomorrow.
not sure what im going to do tonight, something with roast veg i think.
tomorrow Alan and Tash are coming over for dinner. I'm going to make home made spaghetti bolognaise and garlic bread. Tashy tells me that it's her favuorite, so lets hope that I don't disappoint.
now here's for more waiting......oh the life I lead.
Sunday, 4 October 2009
and it's October already
So I still havent found out about this contract job. She called me Friday to tell me there is still no decision made, and could I call her on Monday. So I guess I'll call her on Monday morning.
I am making Pink Cupcakes for Daniels Charity bakesale at work, for Breast Cancer Awareness.
I'm going to make 6 today as a test run and see how I get on. Fingers crossed that they dont come out looking like crap.
although I've only got 1 egg and 1 need two, so I guess I better go get some eggs.
Friday Soph came over and we had pizza and wacthed Wanted. we've both decided we want to be assassins when we grow up. the evening ended watching Derren Brown (FAIL) and making fart noises on our hands. we are way mature you know! (i'd like to point out I'd only had half a glass of wine and soph was sober, but we did have loads of chocolate, so it was probably sugar making us act like children)
Last night we went to the Quins match. it was tense, but we won, only getting the converted try in the extra time!!! a much needed win, seeing as we've lost every game since the start of the season. a bit weirdly, this is the first game i've been to this season due to commitments etc, and we win. i like to think i was the reason they won, superstitious old me.
We then went for chinese in Twickers, it was mega busy, and the servioce was shit, but the food was sooooo good. Daniel nearly killed Tash. He made her laugh mid gulp of tea and she choked.
today - Daniel is at work.
The plan is to - make some cupcakes, put some washing in to wash, play some games, and then relaz when my hubby returns home from being the bread winner.
my life is total lolz
I am making Pink Cupcakes for Daniels Charity bakesale at work, for Breast Cancer Awareness.
I'm going to make 6 today as a test run and see how I get on. Fingers crossed that they dont come out looking like crap.
although I've only got 1 egg and 1 need two, so I guess I better go get some eggs.
Friday Soph came over and we had pizza and wacthed Wanted. we've both decided we want to be assassins when we grow up. the evening ended watching Derren Brown (FAIL) and making fart noises on our hands. we are way mature you know! (i'd like to point out I'd only had half a glass of wine and soph was sober, but we did have loads of chocolate, so it was probably sugar making us act like children)
Last night we went to the Quins match. it was tense, but we won, only getting the converted try in the extra time!!! a much needed win, seeing as we've lost every game since the start of the season. a bit weirdly, this is the first game i've been to this season due to commitments etc, and we win. i like to think i was the reason they won, superstitious old me.
We then went for chinese in Twickers, it was mega busy, and the servioce was shit, but the food was sooooo good. Daniel nearly killed Tash. He made her laugh mid gulp of tea and she choked.
today - Daniel is at work.
The plan is to - make some cupcakes, put some washing in to wash, play some games, and then relaz when my hubby returns home from being the bread winner.
my life is total lolz
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)